Today is one of those days that I woke with a billion thoughts on my mind and most of it consists of ways to accomplish all these goals that I sometimes feel are haunting me. Being 24 year old creative thinker is a gift and a curse at times. I fell back into a trap and world wind cycle of constant comparison to my peers, checking stats and comments and just overall draining myself of my unique light. I’ll be honest this is something I’ve dealt with for years… From the beginning of my social media experience I’ve been having moments of “binge scrolling” & getting lost in the rabbit hole of comparison. It’s something so comforting about seeing people your age on the same level of success and similar struggles.
The second I got a glimpse of someone who seemingly has it all put together I found myself rolling my eyes, sucking my teeth and being annoyed by their success. I’d find myself thinking, “I could do that better, I’ve already did that….etc.” I know that the envious emotions I’m feeling are just insecurity and anxiety. Constantly wondering when will my time come. I haven’t felt this way in a while, but today I feel like that 15 year old girl obsessing over some random girl on MySpace because we’re the same age with similar hair and bodies… But somehow her life seems more “amazing” than mine.
Although it was hard for me to press publish on this post, I did it anyway because I want you all to know that we all have off days, insecure moments and times where we just don’t like the way we’re acting or thinking. Negative self talk is real and it really impacts your life. Although for a few hours I really got caught up in my mind and lost track of me. Now that I’ve experienced it, thought about and decided what needs to change I’m letting it go. We all have insecure moments no matter how “confident” our ego tells us we are. The key to getting through this is prayer and patience. I’m growing and this is just a part of the process.
Do you ever struggle with comparison?